Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Body language is an important part of communication — it can constitute 50 percent or more of our message. If you wish to communicate well, then it makes sense to understand how you can (and cannot) use your body to say what you mean.

Hard to believe? Mute your television sometime and see how easy it is to figure out what’s going on. Rent an old silent movie. Sometimes the subtitles belie the real story! Play poker with a novice if you want to learn how important body language is.

Does that mean we can just stop talking? Of course not.

But consider this: according to the Houston Chronicle, verbal content in a speech accounts for 7 percent of communications impact. Voice tone is responsible for 37 percent. Body language — believe it or not — has a 56 percent effect.

The ability to read between people’s words is a skill that you’ll need for the rest of your life. Even when you’re silent, your body is sending signals about your mood and inner thoughts.

Body language is a hot topic on the news right now, due to the interest in the presidential campaign. So I decided to check in on the current research. Experts are analyzing every move the political candidates make, from shoulder shrugs to blinking. Hand movements, posture, even the tilt of the head are dead giveaways for the underlying message.

Body Language

John Gottman, relationship expert and author of “The Relationship Cure,” says, “An open posture — in which you sit with your arms relaxed, your legs slightly apart, and your body tilted a little forward toward your conversation partner — gives the message that you respect this person and you want to offer your full attention. Adopt this position and you communicate that you’re open to influence; you’re available for interaction.”

On the other hand, crossing of the arms seems to be a worldwide body language symbol of defensiveness, according to communication and negotiation experts Gerard Nierenberg and Henry Calero in “How to Read a Person Like a Book.”

Often, when people cross their arms during a conversation it can indicate that they have withdrawn from communicating and are locked into their position.

While you can’t always assume that someone’s body language indicates exactly what he or she is thinking, you can use it as a signal to pay attention to your own communication.

When you are engaged in conversation with someone and they cross their arms, do a mental checklist. Are you communicating in ways that are causing the person to shut down or feel defensive?

Be honest with yourself, and do what you can to get the person to relax and open up again. Your goal should be to get the person communicating with you again. Think of the times when you have crossed your arms. When did you do it? Did it mean anything?

To gain the trust of a customer or co-worker, body language expert Robert C. Brenner offers the following advice to help ensure that your body and your mouth are saying the same things:

Shake on it. When extending your hand to shake, keep your palm facing upward, suggesting honesty and sincerity.

Keep your hands where they can be seen. Shoving your hands into your pockets makes you look secretive and suggests hidden agendas.

Here’s the steeple. Pressing the fingertips of one hand against the other (steepling) conveys confidence.

The rules are a little different when working abroad or dealing with visitors from overseas. It pays to know a bit about how they interpret everyday sign language.

Roger Axtell, author of “Gestures: The Do’s and Taboos of Body Language Around the World,” gives this example. The “OK” sign (thumb and forefinger forming a circle with the other three fingers extended) you flash to a colleague to show approval means different things around the globe.

A Frenchman could interpret it to mean that you think he’s a complete zero, while a Japanese guest might think that you’re asking for money.

Worst of all, a colleague from Latin America might think you’re calling him a part of the anatomy that is generally considered insulting. (Richard Nixon once set off an international event by flashing this sign on a trip to South America).

So be careful not only of what you say, but also of what you do.

Mackay’s Moral: If you want to get a leg up, learn how to use effective body language.

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How Prevalent is Non Verbal Behaviour?

Many of us say what we feel by opening our mouths and letting the words come out, sometimes without considering what it is we actually want to say. Likewise we can use our bodies to give off signals, make gestures and add emotion or depth to a thought or feeling.

Non Verbal Behaviour

Each and every one of us during the course of every day uses non verbal behaviour as a means of embellishing what we say. Sometimes we do it knowingly and sometimes we do it as a matter of instinct; however we choose to do it though our bodies, eyes, hands and arms give away perhaps more than we would like.

The Eyes

Sometimes the eyes say more than our mouths – we can look at someone with a look that gives away more depth of emotion than the words we speak. We can look at an individual with a stare that looks as though we are angry or we can look at someone lovingly.

Our eyes truly are the windows to our souls and when we look at others they can tell instantly whether or not we are happy, sad, angry or shy.

The Hands

Many of us use our hands to embellish the words we say; we can do this by waving our hands around if we are excited or angry or if we want to tell a story with more emotion we can use our hands to make signs and gestures that tell others more about the depth of emotion felt at the time.

Some people keep their hands in their pockets and they do this because they are expressive when it comes to hand gestures. Others keep their hands in their pockets because they fidget uncomfortably with their fingers if they tell a lie or are nervous.

There are others who bite their fingernails when nervous or in the process of telling a lie and sometimes the hands, in conjunction with the eyes, can tell an entirely different story.

Reading Non Verbal Behaviour

There is no better place to observe non verbal behaviour than in a nightclub or at a dating event. Individuals – both male and female – will observe each other from afar and can gesture to each other using their hands, their eyes or indeed their legs as a means of indicating their liking of a person.

It is said that women cross their legs from one side to the other to show their liking of a man who may be watching them; this is not meant in a sexual way but is simply meant to indicate they have a visual attraction at least.

Again as we have said there is no better place to read non-verbal behaviour then in a nightclub – noisy, dimly lit, non verbal behaviour is sometimes the only way in which to communicate in these places.

The manner in way people dance is also an indication of how they feel about another person; dancing close to them indicates liking them and if the couple are together then dancing closely indicates they want to be close to each other and enjoy being close to each other. Whilst couples who dance a distance apart are often only doing so to keep up appearances for the benefit of those around them.

Reading the Signs

It is important to note that as well as we think we might know a person their body language can tell us so much more about them especially when it comes to their moods. However it is also important to note that some individuals are particularly good at disguising their moods and their body language.

For most though there will be at least one tell-tale sign that gives their mood away and it is always worth watching for this sign but not too closely as sometimes the slightest movement can be misread.

The Body and The Eyes: How Much Do They Tell Us?

There is an old adage that says the eyes are the windows to the soul and for some people this can be very true. As some people find it difficult to keep their bodies still during the process of telling a lie so some other people find it difficult to keep their eyes from looking in many different directions whilst they lie. Here we look at what the body and the eyes tell us.

Body Language

Body language is something that many psychologists use to study their patients in order to distinguish between certain types of behaviour. An individual’s body language is as individual as their face and their personality - albeit tucked away inside their body - is mirrored on the outside by their movement.

An individual during periods of stress or telling lies can behave in a way that may be visible from how their body behaves. For example: a young child in the process of telling a lie might well bite their finger nails. This is a physical manifestation of the act of lying and something that most parents would be able to pick up on.

Likewise an older person may lie and seemingly not give away anything of a physical nature but this is not the case. They may swallow continually as their throat dries. The physical and psychological triggers combining when a lie is told can have the brain tell the individual telling the lie that his or her throat is dry which causes this almost mechanical action.

Others when stressed drum their fingers absentmindedly on their legs or on a desk and this is another physical and psychological combination that can signify that they are uneasy with their surroundings and what they are doing or saying.

The Eyes

If you have ever watched someone tell a lie or struggle to come up with an answer they do certain things with their eyes. For the most part an individual telling a lie will struggle for the lie and will manifest this gap in proceedings by looking in another direction. It is also instinctive that they try and avoid the gaze of the person they are lying to in case their gaze gives too much information.

If an individual looks to the left (their left your right) this means they are usually telling the truth and are struggling to put the words together. And if they are looking to the right (their right your left) some psychologists and counselors believe this means they are lying and are trying to bide time to think of a suitable lie to continue with.

Eye contact is an important part of any relationship be it personal or professional and many individuals place great emphasis on how a person looks at them or looks away from them during conversations where important information is required or questions are being asked.

It is of course not always the case that an individual exhibiting any of these signals is telling lies - they may simply be nervous. A job interviewee may often exhibit signs of nervousness such as constant fidgeting or looking away from their interviewer simply because they feel nervous about the whole interview process or because they feel an element of doubt as to whether or not they have any likelihood of getting the job.

This is why many people charged with the task of interviewing potential employees are often trained in the art of interview techniques before they begin interviewing prospective applicants.

It is important to note that as you may be able to spot an individual’s ‘tell’ - that special movement or gaze that signifies stress or a lie - that they if they are often in your presence will be able to do the same with you.

We are guilty – at one time or another – of telling the proverbial ‘Little White Lie’. Sometimes this is because we do not want to hurt someone’s feelings, because we do not want to tell someone we don’t like a present they have bought for us, or because we are uncomfortable with allowing our true feelings to be known.

Whatever the reason for it we are all more than capable of doing it and regardless of how much an individual might protest that they do not tell lies, there are tell-tale physical signs that they are.

Physical Signs of Dishonesty

There are a few ways in which you can tell if someone is lying. They include:

Sweaty palms

Inability to maintain eye contact

Persistent swallowing

Fidgeting

Finger play

Subject Change

Sweaty Palms

Not always noticeable to the person who is being lied to but the symptom is there. This is caused by a rise in the liar’s metabolism as they lie, which in turn causes their heart rate to increase. Sweaty palms are one of the methods used by a Polygraph Machine (Lie Detector).

Inability to Maintain Eye Contact

One of the most common ‘giveaway’ signs that indicate a lie is being told is the inability to maintain eye contact throughout the conversation. The individual will often try and focus on another point of vision rather than directly into the eyes. This sometimes suggests that the individual is fearful his or her eyes will give away the lie.

Persistent Swallowing

A dry throat is often a physical symptom of telling a lie and therefore the person telling the lie will often find that they need to swallow a lot more in order to keep their throat lubricated. In addition this swallowing is also designed to bring about a break in the conversation in order to facilitate the liar thinking for a few seconds.

Fidgeting

This is more common in children than in adults but not unknown in adults. Fidgeting represents a physical manifestation of the mind’s jumping from one thing to another, juxtaposing between fact and fiction if you will. Children tend to fidget because they are uncomfortable about being caught telling a lie as opposed to actually telling the lie.

Finger Play

Again this is something that children do more than adults but some adults still do. Playing with their fingers helps the child or adult control their fidgeting – children learn to do this as they get older and reach their teenage years. Experts often look for movement of the hands and eyes in order to tell if a lie is being told.

Subject Change

A very common way of avoiding a lie in an adult, Subject Change is often accompanied by a sudden physical movement such as getting up from a chair or moving out of the line of sight of another individual. This sudden physical movement plus the Subject Change – which can normally be something like ‘Look at that’ or ‘What are they doing?’ – Often indicates that the individual has found his or herself unable to continue the lie without stumbling.

These are common but important ways of identifying dishonesty but it is important to stress that these are often used to best effect by professionals